Surgery

Today is the day. Although this was only scheduled 2 weeks ago, I feel like I have been preparing for this moment ever since I received the diagnosis for SMA syndrome back in November. Even when the first surgeon told me that he didn't think I had SMAS, I still felt like I would need surgery to correct this problem. So here I am, at 7 in the morning unable to sleep anymore because of all the emotions running through my head at this moment. 

I have thought a lot about these emotions of mine as they don't all make sense. I guess though that is part of life and mixed emotions are expected. I have to say though, when it comes down to it, I feel at peace with our decision. Will everything go perfectly? We and many others have been praying that it does. Does that mean that will happen, who knows, and that is ok. I am at the point that I have to put trust in the decision that has been made, in my doctors, in my family, and in my Heavenly Father. I don't know what the out come of today will be. It could heal me and I never have a problem again, it could not change my situation at all or it could potentially make things worse. Do I think it will make things worse, probably not. Other then the complications due to malnutrition and dehydration, I am a healthy 29 year old. I don't have a lot of other problems, which increase my chances of less complications. Will this 100% cure me, I hope so but I am prepared for the alternative that it may not.

I also know that recovery will take a while and that I probably wont see results right off. I have been vomiting for over a year and a half now and my body will need time to retrain its self to eat and properly digest food again, especially since there will be a new route for food to go. The body is an amazing thing but no matter how much we may want things to change instantly, many times, time is what is needed to help the body heal and find its new normal. 

I want to thank everyone so much for all the love and support you have shown me and my family through this crazy time. I have never felt so much love in my life before. I know I am loved and that I am blessed. This trial has been crazy but through it all, I have never felt alone or forgotten. I am blessed beyond what I even know. I have felt my Saviors and my Heavenly Fathers love so much through this and many times that love has been shown through all of you. I have had the opportunity to grow so much from this and this experience has really shown me how our trials are tailored to help us grow in ways we never imagined possible. We each have our trials and although they may be similar to others, they are our own and meant to help us become stronger. Some challenges last longer then others and I feel some may not even be conquered in this life time but at some point all will be alright. 

Thank you again for all your love and support and I hope you know how much I appreciate and love you all. My heart is over whelmed right now and I can't express fully what I feel, but know I will be taking you all with me in heart as I head into surgery and into the weeks of recovery ahead of me. 

Love

Shauna