A day of birth

Today is my birthday and I am currently sitting on an airplane on my way to Portland for my Grandma memorial. It has been an interesting day but it has also been a very good day. A birthdy miracle is that Kassia slept the whole night and didn't wake up until about 9, also I didn't wake up to throw up untill about 7:30. I felt pretty good getting 6.5 hours of straight sleep, however I wish i could have gone back to sleep but the fact that Kassia slept so well was a huge tender mercy. The night before she was up all a good portion of the night and i think we ony got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep. She caught the same cold that I have and she has been miserable. I feel so bad for her and wish she wouldnt have gotten it. 

We got up, showered and then headed upstairs to check on Maia. Once everyone had eaten breakfast, we decided to open gifts as it was the only time everyone was together and since i'm not eating, we decided not to do cake to celebrate. Sean got me a kitchen aid for my birthday which i think he spent way too much on my birthday but i really apperciate and love his thoughtful ness. I sure am spoild by that man. He will be taking it back since we are out in utah and I'm not sure how he was planning on getting it back to Ohio. When we get back home to Ohio, we'll go get another one. I also got a beater for it from Kathy and Terry. I sure felt spoiled by my family and the boots I got and the skirt from Brittany completed the day. 

The rest of the day has been spent packing and getting ready to go. I originally just wanted to take a carry on but with all my medical supplies, it would have been really hard to fit Kassia's and my clothing in there too. So I decided that I would have to check a bag and that it would be easier to just pack for the whole time we are going to be gone. Hopefully that makes it easier on Sean when he packs for him and Maia. 

I am flying to Portland today, tomorrow is the memorial and then on Sunday, we will be driving back with my parents to Baker City. Sean and Maia will rent a car on Monday and then drive up to Boise, then either borrow one of cory's cars or my mom and I will go pick them up in Boise. 

I was glad that Sean was able to help me through security at the Salt Lake City airport, security is the hardest part, especially when you are traveling with a baby and with medical supplies. I don't think they see to many feeding tubes and supplies go though security. They sure made a bit of a fuss about it. While they tested all my supplies for bomb material, I was subjected to a pat down. I understand why they do it but it seamed a bit over the top. oh well it's done and hopefully the next time i fly it will be without all of the medical parifinalia. 

I'm excited to get to portland though because Maria will be flying in about the same time I will be and it will be so good to see her and to get to hang out with her this weekend. Mom and PApa are going to try and be at the gate to help me but we'll see if they are able to get through, if not I'll meet them at the baggage claim. I very grateful for my family. They truly care about me and it has shown throughout this whole trial. I could not be more blessed with all the help I have been receiving and for all the love that has been shown to me. 

I was sitting here kind of bemoaning some of the things going on in my life and I'm humbly reminded of how much I do have. Yes I may be 29 years old, living off of a feeding tube and IV fluids but at the same time I am alive. If i would have contracted, what ever this is, a hundred years ago or if i would have been born into a different part of the world where i wouldn't' have had access to this kind of medical care, I wouldn't have live very long after the vomiting started. Here I am, a year and 4 months after I first started to throw up, alive. The quility of life that I have is not what I dreamed it would be but it is my life. It is what i have been given at this point. I'm 29 years old today and I'm grateful to be alive, to have been born when I was, to be able to be a mother to two beautiful girls and to be a wife to the most amazing man. I have been given so much. 

Being grateful doesn't change that I have big decisions to make and it doesn't make, making those decisions any easier but it does help me feel better about myself and about my life. It gives me a reason to keep fighting, to get up in the morning and to keep, moving forward. It would be so easy to just resign to the fact that I may have to live with a feeding tube the rest of my life and to just give up food completly (you may not think that as easy but when food has become an enimy, it is no longer enjoyable), but I have so much more to live for then to be tied to a tube and formula. This next year I plan on being able to take my girls to the park, to be able to eat the food I enjoy making and to eat the holiday food next season. It may seam silly but I would like to eat and orange and enjoy it instead of being afraid of throwing it up. I want to savor my food knowing it is going to nourish my body instead of ending up in a cup, sink, or toilet. This year I will get better. What route will be to get me there is still very unclear but I feel it will happen. 

I have been bleassed to be healed from this and I know that it can happen but I also know that the lords timing is key in all of this. I guess I haven't learned all that I am supposed to learn from this experience and so I will push forward till, answers are found and that blessing is fulfilled. So here is to being 29, a whole new year and many many more birthdays. 

Christmas festivities

Christmas eve was lot of fun yesterday. After I woke I got started on Christmas Eve dinner. Is started with the green bean casserole and then I started the sweet potatoes. I had to be very careful while making all the food because of my cold. I made sure that I kept everything as sanitary as possible, I even wore a mask to make sure I didn't spread the cold. There was no way to hide my cold as I lost my voice making it pretty hard to communicate.

Brit took Maia to go to the park which was fantastic because it allowed me to get quite a bit done before they got back. Maia had a good time at the park and so did Brit, meaning it was a success.
 

Kassia was a little fussy and I noticed she was starting to get a runny nose. Unfortunately I knew that meant that she was starting to get my cold. I was hoping I could keep it to my self but that didn't happen. 

Around 4:30 pm everyone started to show up and my dinner was just about done. I put the rolls, green beans and sweet potatoes in the oven and while the rolls cooked the rest of it wasn't heating up. Luckily i had some time to get the re organize the ovens. The ham was done and needed to sit for a few minutes which allowed the beans and potatoes to cook for a little bit longer. Luckily it all turned out well and I got it all on the table by 5.

 

It seamed like everyone enjoyed the meal and that made making the whole dinner worth it. With everything going on with my stomach it was a meal that I didn't even have one taste of. It is hard to make food with out tasting the seasoning and I'm glad grandma Gottfredson was willing to fix the gravey I made. It was a little on the thick side and she saved it. 

After dinner we all gathered around the christmas tree and James told us all the story of Jesus's birth and then Terry read the story from the bible. It was a sweet little moment. After that we opened our sibling gifts. It was fun to see James and Maia's excitement. At around 7ish Eric, Kathryn, James, and Julia left to go home and Maia was put to bed soon after. 

 

 

 

Luckily I only had a couple more gifts to wrap and then we could relax and get ready for the next morning. Unfortunately, Kassia seamed to have picked up my cold and was not very happy. She wasn't eating very well and she didn't want to sleep. Her cheaks became such a rosy red color and she just was grumpy. It really made for a long night. Brittany was so sweet and tried taking Kassia for part of the night but I guess she just cried and fussed the whole time she had her. She brought Kassia back into our room at around 2:30. Sean took over but unfortunatly, I couldn't sleep either. Between Kassia making noise and me throwing up and coughing, there wasn't much sleep going on in our room. It wasn't untill about 4 when I took Kassia from Sean, layed her on the bed and started rubbing her feel, back and stomach did she calm down enought to fall asleep. She ended up falling asleep in between my legs. I was going to even dare moving her to her crib as I was afraid she would wake up. but I couldn't leave her where she was on the bed or she could have rolled off. I ended up gently moving her just enough to allow me to sleep on the edge of the bed so she wouldn't be able to roll and that is how we stayed until about 8:30 when I woke up again to throw up and heard Maia's sweet voice up stairs. I decided it was probably time to get up and get christmas going. When I woke up I moved Kassia into her crib and she luckily went back to sleep. I felt only a little bad that we left her sleeping while we opened gifts but only a little since she didn't sleep all night.

We didn't actually get to opening chirstmas gifts untill about 9 or 9:30 (we had a hard time getting Sean up) but watching Maia open her gifts and everyone elses gift was sure fun. She was so sweet and every piece of wrapping paper she or anyone tore off, she wanted to put in the trash bag. It took a little longer to open gifts but at least the floor was clean.

She received a little toy computer from Grandma and Grandpa Dahlin, PJ's from aunt Brit, a Mickey Mouse and a bike from Sean and I and a few other things I can't remember.

Maia playing with grandpa before we started opening gifts.

She is posing in her fun owl pajamas from Aunt Brit.

Maia wanted to help open everyone's gifts.

Opening and playing with her new computer.

Maia played Santa and handed out the gifts too.

She was pretty excited about the Mickey.

Sean got a new phone for Christmas from his parents. I am totally going to benefit from it as well and it also came with a Bluetooth speaker.

Kassia woke up just in time to open her gifts and Maia was there willing to help.

Merry first Christmas Kassia!!

Maia helped her open her bouncy seat.

Maia was really excited to ride her bike!

Sean was so cute with her and it was a prime example of fatherhood.

Kassia exploring her bouncy seat.

Maia received plastic utensils from Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Eric and she loves them! She started getting creative and put them on the blinds. It actually really cute to see her creativity.  

 

After gift opening, Sean made breakfast sandwiches for everyone and they had the traditional grapefruit.

 

For me Christmas always seams to be hit or miss for me. I have had really good Christmases and some really bad ones and this year I had a really hard time getting into the Christmas spirit so it was a huge blessing that this year's Christmas was just right. Other then having a cold and still vomiting the rest was perfect and to top it all off this is what we woke up to...

 

 

A white Christmas.