Missing

Yesterday I was walking down the stares and a thought popped into my head about my grandparents. Next month my Grandma will have been gone from this earth for a year and we just passed my Grandpa being gone for 2 years. An overwhelming feeling came over me and brought tears to my eyes. I cried little when my grandpa passed away but I didn't cry much at all when my Grandma passed. I think with her passing, at the time, it was more of a relief that she went the way she did verses the long drawn out death that her cancer would have offered her. 

67 years ago today, (10/17/1948), my grandparents were married and the creation of their family began and generations have been affected by their choice. And today, I miss them. I miss their smiles, their warm hugs, there long drawn out stories, my grandpa yelling "WANDA!" at my grandma to get her attention, and then my grandma telling him she couldn't understand him because he talked like he had a mouth full of mush. I miss their home in Salem and the childhood summers spent lazing about their house, using scooters around the block and climbing the trees in their front yard. I miss all the family gatherings we would have at their house, filling the house with laughter, kids running around, the wonderful smell of baked goodness oozing from the kitchen. 

It was a simpler time. It wasn't always happy but it was good. The foundation of many of my fondest memories were built around the life my grandparents had created. I love them dearly and today I miss them and I also miss what was. 

I always thought that grief was a process with an end date and should be accomplished with in a certain time period. I also thought that once you processed your grief that was it, you were done. No longer would the pains of sadness or longing for their company be there. You just move on. I have learned that this thought process is not only wrong but in a way harmful. Everyone deals with loss and grief in their own way and time and although there are healthy ways to deal with grief, it will look different for everyone. 

Media today, I feel, has depicted the "normal" grieving process for society. You look at most movies and if someone hasn't started dating again by a year after their spouse has passes away, they are constantly encouraged/badgered to "move on" and get over their loss. I think the stories/movies fail to show the raw human emotion that may be to tender to move on from. Maybe that person lost the one person who completed them so fully that they couldn't imagine being with someone else. Maybe that person will get remarried but years down the road. There are even certain circumstances were maybe that spouse had a long drawn out death which allowed their mate to grieve while their partner was still living, allowing them to emotionally move on quicker then most would anticipate. 

I have learned that grief is so personal and as unique as the person who is grieving. So although it surprised me yesterday to be overcome with feelings of sadness over the loss of my Grandparents, I am ok with it. I'm writing about it instead of pushing those feeling back into the box they came from. It is ok for these feelings to occasionally surface. For me it helps me stay close to my ancestors and helps me honor their lives. Because they lived, I live now.

 

 

Love you two!