Today is my birthday and I am currently sitting on an airplane on my way to Portland for my Grandma memorial. It has been an interesting day but it has also been a very good day. A birthdy miracle is that Kassia slept the whole night and didn't wake up until about 9, also I didn't wake up to throw up untill about 7:30. I felt pretty good getting 6.5 hours of straight sleep, however I wish i could have gone back to sleep but the fact that Kassia slept so well was a huge tender mercy. The night before she was up all a good portion of the night and i think we ony got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep. She caught the same cold that I have and she has been miserable. I feel so bad for her and wish she wouldnt have gotten it.
We got up, showered and then headed upstairs to check on Maia. Once everyone had eaten breakfast, we decided to open gifts as it was the only time everyone was together and since i'm not eating, we decided not to do cake to celebrate. Sean got me a kitchen aid for my birthday which i think he spent way too much on my birthday but i really apperciate and love his thoughtful ness. I sure am spoild by that man. He will be taking it back since we are out in utah and I'm not sure how he was planning on getting it back to Ohio. When we get back home to Ohio, we'll go get another one. I also got a beater for it from Kathy and Terry. I sure felt spoiled by my family and the boots I got and the skirt from Brittany completed the day.
The rest of the day has been spent packing and getting ready to go. I originally just wanted to take a carry on but with all my medical supplies, it would have been really hard to fit Kassia's and my clothing in there too. So I decided that I would have to check a bag and that it would be easier to just pack for the whole time we are going to be gone. Hopefully that makes it easier on Sean when he packs for him and Maia.
I am flying to Portland today, tomorrow is the memorial and then on Sunday, we will be driving back with my parents to Baker City. Sean and Maia will rent a car on Monday and then drive up to Boise, then either borrow one of cory's cars or my mom and I will go pick them up in Boise.
I was glad that Sean was able to help me through security at the Salt Lake City airport, security is the hardest part, especially when you are traveling with a baby and with medical supplies. I don't think they see to many feeding tubes and supplies go though security. They sure made a bit of a fuss about it. While they tested all my supplies for bomb material, I was subjected to a pat down. I understand why they do it but it seamed a bit over the top. oh well it's done and hopefully the next time i fly it will be without all of the medical parifinalia.
I'm excited to get to portland though because Maria will be flying in about the same time I will be and it will be so good to see her and to get to hang out with her this weekend. Mom and PApa are going to try and be at the gate to help me but we'll see if they are able to get through, if not I'll meet them at the baggage claim. I very grateful for my family. They truly care about me and it has shown throughout this whole trial. I could not be more blessed with all the help I have been receiving and for all the love that has been shown to me.
I was sitting here kind of bemoaning some of the things going on in my life and I'm humbly reminded of how much I do have. Yes I may be 29 years old, living off of a feeding tube and IV fluids but at the same time I am alive. If i would have contracted, what ever this is, a hundred years ago or if i would have been born into a different part of the world where i wouldn't' have had access to this kind of medical care, I wouldn't have live very long after the vomiting started. Here I am, a year and 4 months after I first started to throw up, alive. The quility of life that I have is not what I dreamed it would be but it is my life. It is what i have been given at this point. I'm 29 years old today and I'm grateful to be alive, to have been born when I was, to be able to be a mother to two beautiful girls and to be a wife to the most amazing man. I have been given so much.
Being grateful doesn't change that I have big decisions to make and it doesn't make, making those decisions any easier but it does help me feel better about myself and about my life. It gives me a reason to keep fighting, to get up in the morning and to keep, moving forward. It would be so easy to just resign to the fact that I may have to live with a feeding tube the rest of my life and to just give up food completly (you may not think that as easy but when food has become an enimy, it is no longer enjoyable), but I have so much more to live for then to be tied to a tube and formula. This next year I plan on being able to take my girls to the park, to be able to eat the food I enjoy making and to eat the holiday food next season. It may seam silly but I would like to eat and orange and enjoy it instead of being afraid of throwing it up. I want to savor my food knowing it is going to nourish my body instead of ending up in a cup, sink, or toilet. This year I will get better. What route will be to get me there is still very unclear but I feel it will happen.
I have been bleassed to be healed from this and I know that it can happen but I also know that the lords timing is key in all of this. I guess I haven't learned all that I am supposed to learn from this experience and so I will push forward till, answers are found and that blessing is fulfilled. So here is to being 29, a whole new year and many many more birthdays.
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